Feeling Small

Poem Below

EPSON MFP image
Teenage Me

Last week I met a friend from the past. I forgot that she was into fake tanning and was surprised by her colour. She looked great though, just a brown version of how she used to look. It’s guaranteed that any time I ever meet anyone from the past I look awful.  Last week was no exception.  Hair unwashed, clothes chucked on – just the usual look to be honest. We chatted for a short time, all smiles and family chat. “What am I doing with myself? Oh just a childminder” I replied. Why do I always feel like a failure when I bump into the past? I’d love to add that actually I’ve had lots of shit hot jobs and qualifications and I looked great last year (put on a few pounds). I scrub up not too badly either. You can’t do that though. You are taken as is. Chubby and plain with a job that people undervalue. I don’t undervalue it and usually don’t care what people think. I do like me. It’s just that when the past appears, it’s like your past self is judging your present self. I think me from years ago would think it’s a bit of a shame that this is me now.

A while ago I swam past a guy I used to go out with. He tried to say hello and I blanked him. He’s aged well, looks fit and I felt like I haven’t. I felt awful for being so rude and I messaged him to apologise and explained why I ignored him. It was awkward. Here’s a poem about avoiding those people from the past:

 

Saw you just the other day
Took me back in time
When we were young and horny
most of life to climb

I forgot how tall you were
The past looks so grand
You hold on to polished charm
I’m now small and bland

You caught me in the window
Your mouth upturned to .
I hurry on eyes to ground
I’d disappoint you

Don’t know what they’re doing now
People from the past
Meant to keep in touch with some
Never could it last.

12 thoughts on “Feeling Small

  1. I’m sure it’s a feeling many know well — myself included. We all feel the tug of inadequacy, and the breath of regret on our necks at times. We just sometimes forget other people do too — at least to the same extent.

    Liked by 1 person

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