None of Your Business

When you’ve had enough of people asking about your family planning.

 

Warning: There may be emotional triggers, related to fertility and loss

Well Meaning Questions

You don’t have a baby!

How can that be?

Surely you want one,

you’re a woman, you see.

 

You can give birth

and therefore you should.

You’ll feel incomplete,

without motherhood.

 

What’s that you say?

There’s reasons you can’t?

I was only asking –

there’s no need to rant!

 

Response

 You seem perplexed

at my reluctance to chat,

about personal issues,

fertility and that.

 

Because I’m a woman,

my fate is decided.

I must be a mother

If not, I’m misguided.

 

You people don’t think,

of the reasons behind

the absence of children;

but bear this in mind:

 

Some woman don’t want

a child in the nest.

They’re happy without one

and their decision is best.

Others have tried

again and again.

But a baby ain’t coming –

they’re feeling the strain.

Some have babies

who never were born.

Their heartache is deep

and they’re trying to mourn.

 

It’s not only the childless

constantly bombarded

with well-meaning comments;

no wonder we’re guarded:

 

“He’ll be spoilt and lonely,

If he’s not a big brother.

It’s not fair on him,

If you don’t have another.”

 

“You’ve got 3 the same gender,

that’s such a shame!

You’ll be hoping the next one

isn’t the same.”

 

“4 children you have!

They’re a handful  I see.

It’s clearly obvious

you never watched much tv!

 

So forgive us all

if we’re not always forthcoming.

There are many prejudices

we’re still overcoming.

This is a poem I wrote  a few months ago, but thought it was worth a re-post on Mother’s Day. I’m thinking of a special friend who has yet again been for a scan and found there was no heartbeat or growth from her baby. She is desperate to be a mother but it’s been a long and difficult struggle so far.

So many people are missing their mothers, or miss being a mother to someone and today we should give a thought to those people as well as the happy mums out there.

13 thoughts on “None of Your Business

  1. Great words Beth, people can be so thoughtless but that is usually because they have never been in the position. I admire people who do not bend to peer pressure 🙂 and my heart goes out to people who struggle to conceive or lose a loved one ❤️

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  2. Your poem brings to mind so many people I’ve known throughout my life; women who must feel like crawling under the bed, and staying there, every Mothers Day.
    I was very aware today – surrounded by loving children and gandchildren – of how fortunate I am. I have a sister-in-law who took many years to conceive, and went through three lots of IVF, before finally giving birth to a healthy son. My heart bled for her all those years, but now even she fits into a group of (comparatively) lucky ones.
    Bravo, Beth, for this valid poem.

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  3. Very beautifully put, Beth. I was one of those folks who had major difficulties getting pregnant. Took six years and one miscarriage. At that was it. There would be no more babies. Then when Bran was 10 I became a counselor with a Crisis Pregnancy organization. It was so difficult to see girls who had just found out they were pregnant all ready to hop off to have an abortion when I knew how many women and families there are out there who so want children and can’t have them. I finally had to quit because it was making me angry.

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    • We struggled too, then we managed to have one everyone was asking us when the second one was coming along. The eventually stopped asking. I’d imagine your work would have been difficult with the contrast in situations.

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