Acceptance

Denial.

How can this be?

Ain’t happening to me!

Anger.

This is not fair –

don’t fucking dare!

Bargain.

God is listening, pray –

I’ll fight all the way!

Sadness.

There’s so much I’ll miss;

it’s hard to reminisce.

Acceptance.

It’s time now to surrender;

I’ve lived life in all its splendour.

I’ve been reading up on dying and grief today and it seems that Acceptance is the final stage, but sadly not everyone manages to reach this.  As mentioned previously, my mother-in-law has been told she has up to six weeks left to live. Today she told me that she’s been living with a terminal illness for a while; she’s accepted this and is happy. She also felt reassured that her children have me, and that those she’s leaving behind are her only concern. This sounded like acceptance to me, which was a surprise given how much time she’s been given. I cannot imagine how I’d cope if I were told the same. I wrote this poem about the five stages of dying  after I spoke to her.

This evening my husband told me that his mum wants to go shopping tomorrow to pick a new sofa for her house. She lives alone (currently in Hospice) and a new sofa usually takes a month or two to arrive. I’m not so sure she’s able to accept this shattering news quite yet.

14 thoughts on “Acceptance

  1. Weird process, one day you accept, next day you fight it, then you feel abandoned. I was told I had 1 to 3 months to live after surgery for cancer. If I took the chemo I had a 10% chance of more time…..long story, I am still here many years later. All those stages are a real yo yo process.

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  2. I know went I was struggling with health problems last year I really thought that perhaps I was going to die. The emotions that I felt were horrible I was not worried myself about dying but I felt such grief at the thought of how upset everyone else would be. So in a way I think your mum in law has accepted it but perhaps she needs some reassurance that everyone will be alright when she has gone but she won’t be forgotten

    It’s a strange one this. Then look at the post above! So many people are told that they don’t have long and they go on longer. I think that maybe she would benefit from talking frankly to someone. 🌹

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    • I’m so glad you are ok and I hope you’re well at the moment. I think you’ve hit the nail on the head. She is worried about who she’s leaving behind and she’s needing reassurance which I’ll keep giving her. Doctors and husband are explaining things clearly, but she’s becoming naturally confused due to the brain cancer and obviously overwhelmed. They’re making plans today to work out where she’s going to be staying and who’s going to be with her. Thanks for your comments.

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  3. This piece–sort of poetry and prose combined which I dig–got to me. We just experienced a death in the family. My wife’s grandmother. I’ve had a lot of similar thoughts as you about that acceptance. Her family is incredibly close. Closer than my side, I have to admit. No matter how obvious it is, it’s never easy to admit.

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  4. Or is sit possible she just wants to carry on with life because it beats sitting around being preoccupied with what’s going to happen next? In her situation, I think I might might buy a new dining room set! 😉 What a woman!

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  5. Great poem on the stages! A friend’s son was diagnosed at age 3 with neuroblastoma and was not expected to live to see 10. He is now graduated and a nurses aid helping other patients. Not everything goes as expected.

    Like

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