Day 11 of the Blogging University Course and today I had to write an “if we were having coffee” blog post. Apologies for the delay in posting this, I’ve been finishing my college coursework and not managed to spend as much time as I’d like on WordPress. It’s written in the ‘off the cuff’ manner, like real life. I just realised that I’m boring. Not sure if I would want to visit me for a cuppa!
If you popped in for a chat and a cuppa I’d offer you tea, decaf or normal coffee. I wouldn’t offer you herbal tea because visitors always decline anyway. I’d apologise for having no biscuits in – we don’t buy them because if they’re in the house, we eat them. We have no self control. As the kettle boils, you’d probably feel a chill in the air and I’d sigh and explain that our boiler service man handed me a DANGER – DO NOT USE certificate and switched the gas boiler off yesterday. The boiler needed new parts (no longer available), was starting to leak small amounts of gas and if we continue to use it we’ll endanger our lives. I’d tell you that gas man was very nice and apologetic, but I was just glad we’re still alive. You’ll probably cling on to the mug I pass you, wrapping your hands around it, savouring the little bit of heat in the kitchen. I’d suggest we move through to the living room where we have an excellent little fan heater.
We’d settle in the living room, me in ‘my seat’ as usual. You would probably think that the corner sofa doesn’t match the two-seater and you’d be right. I’d explain that we had three sofas in here until a few days ago because we had a big party. We liked all the sofas but it was overkill for a three-person household. I’d ask you things about yourself, because I know it’s difficult to spend time with people who talk about themselves all the time. Because you’re very quiet, I’d pick up the conversation baton again. I’d explain that we’re planning on putting the Christmas tree up tonight and I’m not looking forward to building it because it’s enormous and we’ll be at it for hours. We’ll laugh as I recall the time my cousin visited from Australia and photographed my tree but not my toddler whom she’d never met before! I’ll mention that she’s coming to stay again in a few weeks and bringing her two eldest girls. I might photograph my tree instead of them 😉
You’ll shuffle uncomfortably in your chair and after some probing, you’ll explain that you’re planning on packing a case, disappearing and never coming back. You’ll tell me you want to start a new life, with a new identity. I’ll explain it can be done because I did it a few years ago. I’d make more tea and we’d change the subject. You’d ask me where the bathroom is, I’d point you in the right direction and apologise for it being unfinished. I’d explain we had a leak in March, pulled down an internal wall and just got it plastered. I’d worry that you’re judging me with my cold house, unfinished bathroom and eclectic mix of sofas.
I’d tell you I spent the day with mother-in-law recently. That I witnessed her acting horrendously towards her 98-year-old mother but I put it down to Chemo/Steroids (but I’ve seen this behaviour before). I’d tell you that my mother in law was rushed to hospital the next day with Septicaemia and it was hit or miss whether she’d survive. She’s home now and we’re not sure if she should have asked to get home so soon – she lives alone hours away and is having trouble walking.
I’d explain that I’m missing writing ‘fun things’ because my college deadlines all came at the same time and I’m busy finishing all of the work. It’s my son’s birthday on Saturday and I’m still awaiting parcels from Amazon. You’d interrupt, agitated and nervous. You’d tell me you have to go; you want to pack your suitcase before he gets home. I’d wish you all the best in your new life, suggest you take on a job ‘cash in hand’ and move to a big town so that you can be invisible – small town folk are nosey.
As I’m waving you goodbye I’ll realise it’s the 30th November, I’ve not bought an advent calendar for my son and the shops shut in ten minutes. Shit!