I’m participating in another Blogging University course. This time it’s a 20 day course and the purpose of it is to offer me some inspiration. This first day I have to write an unedited, off the cuff blog on why I write. So here goes:
I write because I can. I switch off from the world and drift away into a bubble of words, language, thoughts and rhyme. Blanking out external influences, I can focus on nothing but the writing. The words take over and I drift off into my writing cloud. The only thing that comes close would maybe be sex. Well, perhaps first moments with someone when it’s fresh and your thinking is more primal and passion takes over. But then you have to think of the other person. But with writing it’s just for me. It’s selfish and indulgent and I can please myself or wallow in my misery for a while. I can do what I like without a thought for others. Amuse myself with a silly poem, put the world to rights, imagine myself in another place or time or imagine others in different scenes. I can do anything without being questioned. I’d never set out to hurt anyone, but this is why I remain anonymous when writing. I’m not looking to achieve recognition.
I visit past experiences retrospectively analysing and making sense of what happened. There are always better conversations and actions in hindsight aren’t there? Alternatively, I can question what lies ahead. Scenarios can be pulled apart in my head and put together again in a way that might be more interesting. Any feedback I get is lovely; the dialogue can often be more interesting than what I get from some in my ‘real’ life.
I’m writing a novel. It’s a child’s book for my son. I remember struggling to find a book on death when he was 4 and finally finding one about a badger. The simplistic story helped him at the time. The story I’m writing is about the death of a grandparent and aimed at his age now. He’s almost 8 and there’s a chance I’ll need to get in finished in the next few months. A previous poem I wrote ‘don’t light a candle’ gives you an idea of the sentiment behind the book. There’s a kind, irritating angel who only speaks in rhyme. I’m hoping it’ll be a gentle but truthful book. I need to finish it so that I can know I’m able do it. I’ll then decide if it’s good enough for him to read.
When writing, I can escape reality and disappear for a while. Life can sometimes be hard work – perhaps it’s my therapy? Writing a blog was intimidating at first, I was a fish out of water. Every time I write and post to the web it’s a bit like jumping off a cliff. I’m giving people a bit of myself. Sometimes I’m vulnerable and show my weak or dark side. Other times I’m full of bravado and cocky. Although I don’t write under my name, I’m more ‘me’ when I write. There’s no putting on a façade to the outside world. I don’t need to do that.
I’ve only been writing since August so it’s early days. Hopefully I’m developing as a writer. I read somewhere that writing is like exercising a muscle and the more you do, the more natural it becomes. Time will tell.
That’s why I write.
This is unedited. I read it back and there are a lot of ‘I’s’ in it. I want to edit but I’m not meant to – so here it is.